


Commander

by Mareel



Series: Always [35]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canada, Destroy Ending, Family, Identity, Love, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Mass Effect 3, Random Encounters, Self-Acceptance, Small Towns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-28 18:19:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5100917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareel/pseuds/Mareel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting comfortable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Commander

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place eight months after the end of the Reaper War, while Shepard and Kaidan are visiting at the family orchard in British Columbia. It is Kaidan's voice.

 

This was supposed to be a quick trip into town. Okay, it was a beer run. 

But John had the idea that he wanted to bring Mom a little gift of some sort, so we'd done some window shopping and browsed a couple of stores without really finding anything that appealed to him. 

It's taken us longer than we'd planned and the weather has been changing. Before we can get back to where we'd left the ground car, a light sprinkle of rain has turned into a pretty serious downpour. 

"You want to duck inside out of the rain for a few minutes? See if it stops?"

The temperature has dropped as the front arrived. Shepard isn't really dressed for the rain, wearing a t-shirt and an old fleece hoodie of mine, and getting soaked wouldn't be my first choice either. 

We're just a few steps from a coffee shop, so as soon as I catch his nod of agreement, we go inside and claim one of the small tables. Of course, Shepard wants the one in the far corner, and he takes the chair with his back to the wall. It's mainly a coffee bar, although there is some limited table service for pastries, and apparently they serve soup at lunchtime. Shepard is studying the menu card... probably checking out the selection of teas. 

"Not a lot of tea... I guess they mean it about being a coffee shop. I'll just take a cup of whatever they have brewed. Says they have a daily special for that..."

"Yeah, looks like you're right. Why don't you stay here and rest your leg while I go place our order. What about the soup?"

"Not for me... go for it if you're hungry. I'll wait for your mom's dinner."

Quite a line has formed at the order counter – a lot of wet people looking for refuge from the weather, maybe. So it takes some time to even get the order placed. I glance back at Shepard a few times, making sure he's okay, letting him know I'm still waiting. 

When I finally get to taste it, the coffee isn't too bad. I think it's probably hard to get really good coffee beans anywhere this year, but it's fine. "How's the tea?"

"Hot. And it needs honey."

That probably means it's not much, but he'll drink it. And he does have both hands wrapped around the mug, enjoying the warmth. His hands, especially his injured one, get cold easily... another reason I'm glad we could get in out of the rain. 

One of the servers is clearing a nearby table so I catch her attention. When she comes over to ours, Shepard looks up at her, asking about getting some honey. She nods, saying she'll be right back with it. 

I thank her when she returns with a jar of nice local honey – the beekeeper is an old friend of the family. Small towns, small world. Shepard thanks her as well, but she doesn't turn to go back to work. She's staring at John, and then looking down at her hands, then back up at him. 

"Commander Shepard?"

That is clearly not what he was expecting to hear, out here in the middle of the Canadian countryside, from a civilian in a coffee shop. 

But he's Shepard. And I doubt she notices the shift in his demeanor as he slips back into being him.

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

His question tugs at my heart. That is completely Shepard... asking what someone needs and how he can help. I hold my breath, hoping and praying that she's not going to make a big scene about his presence. 

But she doesn't. She's young, in her early twenties maybe, and her voice is quiet, once she finds it.

"Commander, I... I just... I want to... " She falters at that, and I can see his face softening as he tries to help her out. 

"It's okay. Take it easy. I'm not going anywhere."

"I just... never expected I'd ever see you in person. Thank you. Thank you for all you did... for your service."

He blinks and a shadow flits across his face. Just for a moment. Then he's back in character. 

"No need for thanks. I was just doing my job. But I appreciate the thought."

For a moment, I think that she's going to ask him to sign something, but she just nods and turns to go. "It was a honour to meet you, sir."

John catches my eye after she leaves and I reach for his hand, squeezing it tightly. It still feels cold. 

"Do you know her, Kaidan?"

I shake my head. "No, she's too young for me to have known her. The name on her badge is a common family name here in the valley. Remind me to ask Mom about her. Maybe she knows her or her family. This isn't a big place."

Shepard slowly stirs the honey into his tea, tasting it twice before deciding it was enough. "How do you think she knew me?"

I nearly snort my coffee. He has to ask? "Well, your face was all over the newsfeeds for months... and there's the extranet... And you're not exactly dressed anonymously. The N7 insignia on your shirt is noticeable when the hoodie is unzipped. Maybe we should do some shopping – pick up some more civvies. Some vacation clothes."

It takes a moment, but he finally nods in agreement. I cover my surprise with another sip of coffee. This isn't the first time I've suggested doing some clothes shopping. He always insisted that he'd never wanted to buy things that he'd have no use for – and no storage space for – on a ship. Considering he'd spent nearly all his life on one ship or another, owning a bare minimum had become a habit.

"Are you sure? You don't have to, you know. I was partly just teasing."

He replies with a small smile before bending his head to rub at his neck. "Yeah. It's time. I've thought about it since the last time we had this conversation. We'll have a house soon – plenty of room to store things. It'll take some getting used to, but I like your mom's house. Elena likes to keep things. Once I might have thought that was just sentimental."

"Yeah, she keeps things that mean something to her."

"Or might mean something to _you_... like your art supplies."

I look down, studying my coffee cup. "Yeah. Like that."

John reaches across the table to touch my hand. "I'm glad she did."

His smile widens at my reply. "Me too. Things you didn't know you need, right?"

His hand still on mine, he meets my eyes. "I think maybe I had another reason... for resisting more civvies."

I'm not surprised. Shepard is a complicated man, much as he would contest that and say he was just simply a soldier. I don't reply... he'll tell me when he's ready.

"I’m not sure how to say this. I guess it might have something to do with a feeling I couldn't shake... that I'd be putting military life behind me somehow... exchanging it for something I didn't know anything about. I know. It doesn't make sense. But I wasn't ready to give that up."

I turn my hand to wrap his in both of mine. "John, it makes sense to me. And it sounds like a frightening thought. But I guess you've changed your mind?"

He strokes a thumb across my palm under the cover of my hands. "About the clothes? Yeah. I still don't know what I think about the rest, but as you always tell me, we have time now. Time to try things on... see how they fit."

I know he's not just talking about a few shirts and a new pair of jeans. 

"Lots of time, John. All the time you need."

He slips his hand from between mine and picks up his tea mug. "That honey really improves it. My compliments to your beekeeper friend." 

"Maybe we could arrange to pay them a visit. They might even have an informal tour they could give us."

"Bees? Really? I don't know, Kaidan... I've never even had a bee sting."

Touching his forearm, I try to reassure him. "It's perfectly safe. They have special protective suits and helmets... a lot safer than facing a thresher maw. And as far as I know, maws don't produce honey. We could get some to take home with us."

That convinces him and he returns to the idea of shopping. "Didn't we pass a casual shop a few blocks back, down toward the lake?"

I nod. Good memory. "Okay, we'll do that, when this storm blows over. Shouldn't be too long... just enjoy your tea in the meantime. I can get you a refill if you like."

______________________________

 

Tonight as we're standing by the side of the bed, John asks about the woman in the coffee shop. "Did your mom recognize her name?"

"Yeah. Carla Hopkins. Has a twin brother, Marty. He was deployed, but came home safe. Sounds like her gratitude was personal." 

He nods. "I wondered. It could have gone the other way. I don't know if she'd have been so grateful."

I lean my forehead against his, whispering. "You couldn't save them all. You know that, right?"

For a time, after he got out of the hospital, he would have mumbled something about how he should have been able to do just that. But he's made some good progress toward making peace with that part of himself. 

His hand slips around to the nape of my neck, fingers threading into my hair, stroking slowly. "Yeah. I know. Maybe it helps to be reminded that people like her... like your family... are who we were fighting for."

My arms are around his waist, one hand mapping the familiar planes of his back. It's crisscrossed with scars, and I trace one of them with my fingertips. He's letting me do that without shying away from the touch, learning to believe that I accept that part of who he is. 

"I'm proud of you, John. You're still Commander Shepard to a lot of people. You wore it well today."

"I was surprised... wasn't expecting that. I'm glad you were there with me, Kaidan. That helped. I can be that man for a little while when he's needed, but at the moment... he's on vacation. What you have is _me_."

My hands move to his hips to pull him against me, never breaking our eye contact.

"And you're the man I want right now."

 

 


End file.
